On Weaning

When it came to weaning my oldest, I wanted to take the easy approach - I wanted him to self-wean. I had heard horror stories about how difficult it was to initiate it as a mom. I also would have been comfortable nursing until the age of two which is recommended by the World Health Organization, but much longer than that, I wasn't too keen on. At 15 months, my little one showed no sign of slowing, which was fine, but I wondered if he would call it quits on his own (which I preferred) or if I'd have to step in once he got a little older.

My "easy" approach, and what I really hoped for, was to get pregnant, have my supply drop, and then have him wean because of a lack of supply. Well, it kinda happened that way. But, as my sister once told me, we make plans and God laughs. I really believe this is true sometimes.

I did get pregnant. My little one was about 12 months old when I got pregnant. As I said, at 15 months he was showing no sign of slowing, so the reduction in milk supply seemed to not be an issue. Until it was. Around 16 months, he started to be really bothered by it. We had weeks, I'd say 2-3 at least where he'd ask to nurse so I'd oblige. I followed the recommendations for easier weaning that said, "Don't offer, don't refuse" - a supposedly gentler way to ease them through the process of self-weaning. But that time period was pure torture. He'd ask, and I'd nurse him, but after several moments of not getting much of anything, he'd sit up and show me the signs for "milk," "more," and "please." I'd change sides so he could nurse on the other side. Again, after a few moments, he'd sit up and request, "more milk please" signing frantically. We went back and forth several times, each time, he'd get more and more frustrated. Fussing and crying was added into the mix of frantic sign language. Eventually, he'd climb down off of my lap and stand in front of me, tears streaming down his cheeks, crying and signing incessantly. It broke my heart. I was helpless. And this happened several times a day for weeks. Every time I'd sit down, no matter where, he'd beg me to nurse. Every time, I was completely lost. There was no way I could help my little boy. I felt like a terrible mother. His world was falling apart, and it was my fault. What had I done to him? Occasionally, I'd try to offer him a sippy cup with milk. He had started drinking cow milk by this age, but when he wanted to nurse, he refused the sippy cup and swatted it out of my hand. I cried along with him many of those times because I had no clue what to do about it. There was no way I could ease his pain.

It did get better though. Eventually, he would take the sippy cup here and there. Then, he'd take it more frequently. We were able to reach a time when he'd nurse even with little supply for short sessions and then go about his business. Our main nursing sessions became when he went to bed for a nap or for the night. He started sleeping through the night more frequently by this point too. Some nights he'd wake up and scream and cry and I'd nurse him back down. Other times, he'd awaken, but go back to sleep on his own. This was around 17 months of age.

After a while though, the lack of milk available made him nurse for even shorter periods of time. It wasn't long enough to settle him down for sleeping. I'd always offer milk in a sippy cup before bed, but turned instead to standing and swaying to settle him down for naps and bed time. We've been doing this for a couple of weeks now.

Looking back, I really don't want to experience those early times of reduced supply ever again. It was horrible, heart-breaking, and made me question my mothering ability. After he came to terms with it, weaning was a dream and couldn't have gone smoother. I had no angst about him not continuing for longer (after all, I really had no intentions to tandem nurse. Kudos to those who do it, but it's not for me). I was at peace with letting him grow up and ease away from it. I miss the cuddle time with him immensely, but the nursing itself, I'm not mourning the loss of. It happened like I wanted, but not how I expected. I really thought it'd be easier, but I didn't anticipate his reaction. I only hope that other moms that experience forced weaning due to pregnancy acknowledge that this can happen - it may not, but it is a possibility. I don't think anything can really prepare you for it, but there you go - the info is out there.