On Baby Sleep

Baby sleep is one confounding subject. There are all kinds of articles on it that will tell you how much sleep they are supposed to get, what ages you'd expect to have your baby take two naps a day and when they'll transition to one nap, how to get them to bed at night, etc. If there is one consistent thing I've found with all of the articles I've read, it's that not a single one seems to apply to my baby. I'll explain.

How much babies sleep. I've read several articles that say even though it seems counter intuitive, the more a baby sleeps, the more they will sleep. Ok, what? Basically, they tell you that consistent naps and early bed times ensure longer naps and longer night time sleep. While you may think that the earlier they go to bed, the earlier they awaken, this is not true. They theoretically will sleep longer if you put them to be earlier.

Many people will recommend you let the baby cry it out. As in, you put them to bed awake and if they are crying, let them cry to exhaustion until they finally go to sleep. This is actually not a recommended solution, even though many pediatricians still tell parents to do it. The problem with crying it out (and we're not talking a 5 minute spurt, we're talking 20-30 minutes or longer) is that as a baby cries are unanswered, the more they become stressed out, the more thy are learning that their needs will not be met. They are learning, however unconscious, that people can not be trusted and this will not only lead to an anxious child, but also one that has problems developing relationships with people. Cry it out can be done following the Ferber Method which involves several steps of reassuring the child that their cries are not unanswered and helping them to soothe themselves, knowing that their parents are close by if they are needed. I have a whole post on cry it out, if you want to check that out.

I have many friends that talk about their babies naps and how they can't do certain activities or have to postpone to a later time because that is the baby's nap time. I hear of moms whose babies have slept through the night from the time they put them to bed until they get up in the morning since an early age. I've read that a consistent sleep schedule is best for getting your child to nap and sleep.

And then there is my child.

Now, granted, it's not for lack of trying. Pretty early on, when my little one started staying awake longer, he developed his own sleep schedule. Since I've adopted a more attachment-parenting parenting style, I did not insist on a particular schedule and followed my munchkin's cues to identify when sleep times were. So, pretty early on, this was established by him. He'd wake up around 6:30 or 7 in the morning, get cranky and tired for a nap around 11:30 or 12, get cranky for a second nap around 2, and then he'd go to sleep at night starting at about 10:30p and slowly moving up to around 8:30p. At around 1 year of age, he started skipping the morning nap crankiness and would get tired around 1pm. So, he went from two naps to one. All of this seems perfectly normal.

So where is the problem? Well, it's that he doesn't always sleep. I've tried to put him down to naps before he is cranky (as the articles suggest) around the times he'd normally get tired, but he'd do nothing but sit up and scream. I refuse to let him cry it out, and even trying the Ferber method, his crying doesn't subside upon seeing me as it is supposed to. We have a regular bed time routine too (also as books and articles suggest) but that doesn't mean he always goes down on time. Even if I start the routine at the same time every night. It doesn't matter. He also still wakes up at night (at 13 mo.) which some people seem to think this should be done by much earlier. It is rough. I don't get a ton of sleep, but, at the same time, it is kind of my choice. I don't use cry it out. I haven't tried methods lined out in "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" which I've heard works well. I haven't seriously sought out assistance in getting my baby to sleep more.

But at the same time, I am not stressing out over it, does it bother me? Sure, but I'd rather let my baby sleep when he needs it. I figure it's less stress on him (and me) if I don't try to force him. When he is cranky and fighting sleep and really needs a nap, I take a nap with him. That solves that problem. The bottom line is, it works for us. Don't let people tell you that you need to change what you are doing unless it is causing problems, stressing you out, or putting your child's safety at risk. So what if my baby doesn't take two naps a day and sleep 12 hours at night? I'm not alone and my baby is happy. He is not over-tired and sleep deprived as many of the articles would have you believe. When he doesn't take regular naps he catches cat naps here and there to get the sleep he needs and then goes back to playing and exploring - his favorite activities.