On "Access to 'Women's Healthcare'"

I don't often get all riled up about political issues, but the whole uproar about access to women's healthcare and changes to insurance in regards to birth control availability has really gotten me frustrated with the way that women are viewed and I believe it's actually hurting us as women. I chose to write about this topic on this blog because, while it has very little to do with children, babies, and raising them, it does have to do with women as reproductive beings which leads to children, babies and raising them. Of course, since it is a personal blog, I feel the need to express my personal views on the subject. =)

People everywhere are getting worked up about the access women have to "healthcare," a euphemism that is commonly being used as a substitute for "birth control." While it seems that there weren't very many people upset about the inconsistent coverage of birth control before, since the mandatory changes to national standards of insurance coverage, the topic is huge. Now women and men alike are very opinionated about the topic, most of the loudest individuals are those insisting that coverage of birth control is a women's health issue and every woman needs access to be able to have control over her body and reproductive health, nay, her health in general. Despite the fact that the changes actually support this view, the loudest arguments reiterate how important it is.

I find the whole situation demeaning and rather than empowering women, I feel it does far more to suppress them. I can't deny the large number of women that use chemical or other pharmaceutical means to regulate periods and prevent pregnancies. I also don't understand why the push for coverage existed when millions of women have free access to contraceptives through government assistance programs. As far as I'm aware, the lack of coverage never was a concern - until coverage became mandatory. Now, that doesn't make much sense, does it.

But I said that it was demeaning and suppressive. How on earth can that be? Many of the arguments that are pro-coverage state ideas such as "women can control their reproduction/reproductive health," "it's empowering for women to be able to decide if/when they want to conceive," "it's a necessary part of life that all women need access to," etc. As I understand it, all of these arguments mean that by controlling if and when women start or add to their family, they are free to explore other opportunities, be it career, vocation, hobbies, whatever. Women can hold a job without being "tied down," they have freedom (another argument I've heard) and can participate in society as productive members. Again, how is this suppressive? It sounds liberating.

The fact is, our society is terrible about educating women about how their bodies work and has somehow convinced women that the only way they can control their reproductive health is by pharmaceutical intervention. To a certain extent, women aren't really to blame, they aren't taught about how their bodies work in terms of reproduction (with the exception of the most basic of concepts - why they bleed, how often, and that babies come from sex) because the people that are supposed to teach them don't know how reproduction works. Wait, what? Right. Female reproduction is presented in a cookie cutter format - anything that doesn't fit is fixed by pharmaceutical intervention. The problem is that if women actually understood what is going on with their bodies, they would realize that no fix is necessary in many of these cases because variation is normal. They are suppressed by the belief that perfect cycles are mandatory for reproductive health and therefore, they must be fixed. They are not given adequate education and they don't even know it.

So many people believe that women can't function without pharmaceutical intervention in regards to their reproductive health because the alternative is either being completely at the mercy of "luck" or so insanely time consuming and complicated that they are bound by charts and paperwork. A pill or IUD will just "fix" it and make everything predictable and easy. Here is where it is again suppressive. The belief that the only way that women can function as a productive member of society (and on the same level as men) is by artificial means, because the alternative is too volatile and unpredictable and therefore distracting or disruptive to the maintenance of careers - because a pregnancy means leaving work if even for a short time. Women believe they must implement intervention in order to control their bodies, which is in fact, tying them down - all while they believe differently. They are trapped by the "need" for these tools, because to them, the alternative is too uncertain.

So, all the while, women think they are controlling their reproductive health when in reality, they are being controlled by societal pressures, pressure and advertising from pharmaceutical companies, and lack of education. As a result, many women find that controlling their reproductive health actually can end up suppressing, limiting, or damaging it. Sometimes permanently.

So, what is the alternative? Take charge (there is an actual book entitled "Taking Charge of Your Fertility"). Natural Family Planning (NFP) training or a selection of in-depth books on reproductive health can teach women how the body works, how to monitor, and how to respond appropriately according to what they want in their life. The are educated to detect variances, what they mean, and how to respond. As a result, they aren't controlling their reproductive health, they are learning about it and how it fits in with their current life. The workings of the female body no longer are seen as a burden that is getting in the way of life, but as an adjunct to a healthy personal and family life. Women who know their body and how it works are educated and can make better (and faster) decisions about their life, career, and family without the (often harmful) side effects of intervention. This elevates women, rather than leaving them convinced that the only way they can go about life is by being tied to a pill (or other form of intervention). Sure, this education takes some time and attention - but most things in life that are worth anything do. It isn't a matter of control, it's a matter of embracing the female body and how truly amazing and awe-inspiring it is. And that, is truly empowering.

It is not a need or a women's right issue to have birth control provided. It is a need and a women's right issue to have the education provided.

On "Kid Food"

Hubs and I went to a wedding recently and I was smacked right in the face with a horrific reality. One of the servers for the reception came up to me and told me about the kids plate they had and wondered if I wanted one for my 17 mo. old. She described chicken strips, french fries, and a strawberry and asked if it was too much for him. I told her that he didn't need it at all and that he'd eat off of my plate and then for some unknown reason the escaped me at first, I was smacked with the realization that that was what they would present my three year old as well. I started fuming. Silently, though. I didn't want to cause a scene and I was remorseful that I didn't stop the server before she left and requested that my three year old get a different plate. I begrudgingly sat there next to my child who munched happily on his french fries while my gut was churning and my 17 mo. old begged me to pass along some fries, which I did, but just a few to hold him over until the "adult meals" were served.

I'm wondering if I'm alone here. Certainly not among the group of moms that I hang with on a regular basis, but I'm really wondering if we are in the minority. Why is it that people think that kids have to eat fried finger foods. I mean, seriously, look at this kid plate. Two chicken strips - breaded and fried - huge helping of french fries, and one strawberry. The only healthy item on that plate was the strawberry. Kudos to my kid for eating that first. Despite my attempts to get my kiddo to sample my salad and then my spinach stuffed chicken, he happily ate his helping of deep fried, fattening, artery clogging "food." Well, yeah, of course he prefers that, but had he been presented a plate with actually food on it, he'd eat that too. Is it really too much to ask for one of the adult dinners in kid-sized portions? There were three entrees offered, one fish, one steak, and one chicken. All the plates had mashed potatoes, asparagus, carrots, and a slice of zucchini. How on earth is that such a horrible thing? I consider carrots very kid friendly. Mashed potatoes are too. Ok, yeah, the mashed potatoes are mostly starch, but they had the skins and they weren't deep fried, so I'll take that over the fries for my kid.

The same issue is found on kids menus at restaurants. Nuggets, fries, mac 'n' cheese... Ugh! It really is sickening. In a country where obesity is an epidemic, we aren't doing our kids any favors. I hate the concept of "kid food." Sure, they like it. Sure, they prefer it over many healthier options. That being said, if we start them out right, with a variety of foods, they will eat a variety of foods. We can't feed into anxieties of whether or not they might like certain things. They'll pick up on that. For the most part, we control the food. That means give them what is good for them. If they don't eat it, fine, but don't give them a cookie instead. Kids will learn that they need to eat what is presented. My kids go through phases where they won't eat certain veggies, and that's fine. That doesn't mean I stop serving those veggies. Eventually, they may start eating them again. I want them to have that exposure, so it's normal.

Certainly, this one meal isn't the end of the world. My kids have had fries before and likely will in the future. I just wish I would have known. I wish I would have asked, or chosen one of the adult platters for my three year old. I didn't think about it, and that was my fault. I just really wish we could see a change in the world when it comes to this. Veggies don't need to be hidden, fried foods don't need to be the norm. And for heaven's sake, make the kids menu kid sized portions, not junk food. Please?

On Toddler Regression

It's a pretty common phenomena that toddlers often regress when a new baby is introduced. The exact reasons are not known, likely because it's a little different for every toddler. Most people will blame it on the attention that the new baby gets that once belonged to the now older brother or sister. In most cases, the primary area of regression that people talk about is in the area of potty training. In fact, I had never really heard of regression in any other area and as my toddler continued on his course potty training when they baby was born, I thought we were in the clear and that toddler regression was a thing of legend. Or at the very least, one of those new baby complications that we were blessed to skip.

Fast-forward about 10-12 mo. That's right, the baby, now a toddler and the toddler now technically a "pre-schooler" (despite not actually being in pre-school, he's just in that age group). I am now seeing the regression that people speak of. Kinda. As opposed to an emotional, unintentional regression, I'm seeing the kind that is done with full knowledge and purpose.

The primary area I see the change in my now three year old, is when requesting something. Whether it's a snack, drink, whatever, he now forgets that he is perfectly capable of forming sentences and reverts to mono-syllabic utterances and hand signs. I'm all for him keeping up with his sign language, but as his 15 mo. old brother only knows a few signs and uses the sign for "milk" to indicate he wants something to eat or drink and adds a "mamamamama" to the request, my three year old has started doing the same thing. Never mind that he can differentiate between food and drink, hunger and thirst, can verbalize it and sign it. He follows the example of his younger brother and I then get two children whining "mamamamamama" and pumping their fists as though milking a cow in a "milk" sign language gesture.

Along with the disappearing verbal skills, I am also finding that my three year old is following the baby's example in a number of other ways as well. Climbing for instance is a big one. Now, my oldest has always been a big climber, but he learned that certain things were off limits, like the kitchen table. Not that he didn't do it when he was younger, he just was taught that it's not appropriate, and therefore, stopped trying. Now that the baby climbs up there and hasn't learned yet that he shouldn't, my older son thinks it's a game and will climb up with his brother too. Many rules are going out the window, like no throwing inside, no screaming inside, no hitting, etc. My toddler even thinks that it is his job to reprimand the baby despite the fact that he himself is committing the same act of disobedience. And he knows better, obviously, since he's telling me the baby is doing it.

I have no solution. I wish I did. My oldest doesn't understand that the baby can't quite comprehend these rules that he has learned. He thinks that the baby gets away with things and that is an invitation to do them as well. He believes the rules should be the same for all kids. It kinda reminds me of the impressions of older siblings thinking that the younger ones are spoiled. Well, no wonder. The rules are different. But not different because the baby is spoiled. Different because the baby isn't there yet emotionally and mentally. Developmentally. Yep, then it hits home. Yet another lesson to keep in mind. Those things you think were so unfair when you were a kid. You don't get it until you have kids of your own and then it clicks. Sorry for complaining, Mom.

On Cooking for Kids - Homemade Gummies

Recently, I've been in search of kid friendly snack options to get me out of the rut I've found myself in when it comes to our munching habits. In searching for goodie recipes, I came across super simple homemade gummies. I was excited until I saw that the majority of recipes called for Jell-o and gelatin. While this may not sound so bad, I was really thinking that if you are going to make it yourself, you may as well make something that's not going to contain artificially flavored and colored snacks (as good as they are). If that's the case, you might as well just buy the commercially made fruit snacks. They at least have fruit juice in some of them. I continued my search seeing if I could find a "healthy" option and came up short. I found a few that used some fruit juice which was nice, but I was hoping to find a whole fruit option, but no one seemed to offer this option, at least not that I could find. That meant I'd just have to figure it out myself. So I did. It only took three tries to get it right! Now I'm excited about new flavor possibilities, but the first successful batch was made with strawberries. And because I was asked by several people for a recipe, here it is:

Homemade Strawberry Gummies
(by Beth Endsley)

Ingredients:
1 lb hulled strawberries (I used fresh strawberries that I hulled and froze and then defrosted for this recipe)
1/4 c agave nectar
1 oz (4 packets) gelatin

Directions:
1. Liquefy strawberries in blender. Heat strawberry liquid in small pot on stove until boiling. Reduce heat to a simmer and let simmer for 25-30 minutes to reduce to about half.
2. Remove from heat and stir in agave nectar. Let cool to room temperature.
3. Add gelatin to cooled mixture and stir in to mix. Slowly heat mixture, stirring constantly until gelatin melts and mixture is smooth. Remove from heat.
4. Pour into candy molds. Cool in refrigerator for about an hour or until firm.
5. Enjoy!

A few more notes:

The final mixure makes about 1 1/4 cups of gummy mix. The number of gummies will vary based on the size and shape of your candy molds. Alternately, you can pour the mixture into a larger pan and cut into squares when cool. Lightly greasing your candy molds or pan may help the mixture release from the molds when set, but this may not be necessary. I found that transferring the mix to a measuring cup with a spout  made pouring it into the molds much easier to control.

I ran out of molds so the remaining mix
was poured into a loaf pan for square gummies.

I hope you enjoy this yummy healthy snack! Please let me know if you try it and how it works out for you!

On Busy Bags

Busy bags are a fairly new concept to me. If you don't know what they are, I'll explain. Busy bags are bags (like a quart sized plastic storage bag or similar) that contain materials for a small activity that can keep children occupied. The activity is ideally geared toward the child's developmental age. Busy bag activities can be fun, educational, stimulating, or all of the above. Many people make activity bags for their children, but there are groups that get together to trade these bags as well. Groups can be any number of sizes and the idea is that each individual puts together a single bag for every person in the group including themselves. (spending a modest previously agreed upon amount per bag). After a trade meet-up, you leave with one of each activity for your child. Busy bags can be pulled out in any situation where you need to calm your child and focus their attention be it when you are bored with nothing else to do at home or if you are out and about and you children may be stuck waiting and potentially getting bored and acting out.

When I was first approached about joining a busy bag group from a mom I know, I was a little bit hesitant. I was concerned for several reasons. The main one was that I felt I didn't need any cheap little toys to add to the clutter in my house. I figured they could be good at occupying a child, but when they get bored, you just have more to add to the mess. Also, I was worried about small pieces. Small pieces mean choking hazards (what can I say, I still have never given my two year old popcorn) and things that get lost easily. I also didn't know if my wild and crazy toddler would sit still to even do any of the activities. I really should have given him more credit.

I decided to go ahead and participate and just see how things turned out. I am so glad I did. These things are amazing and despite my lack of creativity, I'm excited about doing another trade.

Our busy bag trade included the following activities for 2-3 year olds:
Fishing pole toy/game
Memory game (or shape matching)
Color wheel and number wheel match-up
Threading "snake"
Egg Carton color match with tongs
Popsicle color match
Play-doh and cookie cutters activity

Felt Fish Activity
My son's favorite by far (at least for now) is the fishing game. This is a great motor skills activity and you can incorporate color identification into the game as well. It is comprised of a dowel with a string attached to the end. On the end of the string is a magnet. Felt fish are included with the set, each having a paperclip attached that the magnet can grab. This set has two different sized fish which help focus the child's attention as the larger fish can only be attracted toward the mouth while the smaller fish are not much longer than the paperclip and can be captured at almost any point on the body.

Memory Game

This game is comprised of six pairs of matched felt "playing cards." The fronts of the cards have basic shapes. For younger children, the "cards" can be used for shape and color matching. As they get older, their memory can be tested through this classic game.

Color and Number Wheel

This activity is another one that works for several skill levels. The circle/wheel has two sides. One side has the six basic colors. Six clothespins are colored and labeled to match. While honing fine motor skills, the child attaches the coordinating color as they are on the wheel. The other side of the circle is divided into nine pieces. Each piece has a quantity of shapes to equal the numbers 0-9. Clothespins are labeled with number symbols and words on one side and with the appropriate number of dots on the other. This is a great game as toddlers get older and begin learning their numbers and counting.

Threading Ribbon Snake

This activity is a great one for fine motor skills, but can also help a child learn and recognize shapes and colors if coached while doing this activity. A button is sewn on the end of a piece of ribbon and the other end is sewn down. Felt shapes are then threaded onto the ribbon through a button hole on each shape.

Egg Carton Color Match

This is the Busy Bag I made for the exchange. Half of an egg carton is used for the activity. The bottom of each well is colored with one of the six basic colors. Pom poms are included to match the colors in the wells. The child does the activity by matching/identifying the pom pom colors and placing them in the appropriate wells. For fine motor skills, a pair of small plastic tongs is included to be used for placing the pom poms in the wells. My kiddo likes to collect all three pom poms of each color together before placing them in the well.

Popsicle Color Match

This activity is beyond cute. Popsicles are formed with felt for the edible part and popsicle sticks. The popsicle sticks are each marked with the appropriate color, both labeled with the color name and with a coordinating colored end. Again, honing those fine motor skills, the child places each colored felt piece on the coordinating popsicle stick to create the treats.

Play-doh and Shape Cutters

What kid doesn't like play-doh? This is a wonderful fine motor skill activity and just plain fun. Kids obviously have a lot of freedom to express their creativity with this activity, though it does require an appropriate setting. The cutters can also be used as a teaching tool for identifying shapes.

These are just the activities chosen by the moms in our busy bag group. There are tons of ideas out there and while some take a bit of craft skill to put together, others are super simple. These make great fun and learning activities for kiddos that can fill in a bit of down time on a rainy day or focus your child when out of the house (just stash one or two in your purse). Certainly, you can approach the use of these activities as you see fit. I personally keep them stashed away most of the time (especially since I have a baby crawling around that would love to get into the small pieces) and bring them out when the baby is napping or to calm and focus my toddler. By keeping them put up, there is added value and they become a special treat when my toddler can play with them. I am really excited to do another trade which we may do in another month or so. Our group has seven moms, but I've heard of groups being up to 30 moms. There are groups online that you can join as well. I highly recommend doing it. Though I was a skeptic at first, I see the wonderful value in it now and I look forward to exploring and learning with my kiddo more!

On the Ergo (Product Review)

On an almost daily basis, I'm telling people that I don't know how I would survive without my Ergo. And it's true. But I think it's primarily related to baby-wearing in general. My Ergo just makes it easier.

With two young children, baby-wearing is almost a must. The Ergo is a soft structured carrier (SSC) that allows for relatively quickly attaching the baby and getting on  your way. While not as quick of an in-and-out as a sling, it's speedy enough not to be cumbersome. The Ergo attaches around the waist with a heavy duty buckle and has an adjustable strap (an optional extender is available for those who need a longer strap). The main piece of the carrier covers the rump and back of the baby and shoulder straps attached to the top and side make the pack go on as though you were wearing a back pack. Babies can be worn in front, on the side, or on your back (although, I believe that very small infants with the insert should go on the front only). The shoulder straps are also adjustable for comfort and have an additional buckle that is secured at the chest or between the shoulder-blades depending on how the carrier is positioned.

I selected the Ergo Sport. This particular model has a slightly taller body thanks to the additional pocket where the hood is stored. As a result, it fits my large toddler a little bit better. Another benefit of the Ergo Sport is that it fits a wider range of adults that can carry a child. My husband at 6'3" who is built like a linebacker can wear it just as easily as I can at 5'5" and medium/small build.

My Ergo gets used just about anywhere. Because I also have a toddler, it's often easier to strap the baby to me in a carrier so I can keep up with the older child. Going to the store, I wear the baby in the Ergo and place the toddler in the shopping cart. At the mall, the toddler is in a stroller and the baby is in the Ergo. At the park, the baby is carried in the Ergo while the toddler runs around and plays. I take the carrier with me pretty much anywhere we go. At social gatherings, it is nice to have if the baby gets overwhelmed by all the activity, I can place him in the carrier and he can settle, shut down, nurse, and/or have a nap. Did I say nurse? Yep, that's right. I nurse in the Ergo too. Hands-free. And because of the structure, it's discreet too.

With the weight range up to 45 lbs., the Ergo may be the only carrier an individual needs. For very small babies the infant insert is necessary. Additional attachments/accessories include teething pads for the shoulder straps (which in my opinion are a necessity) and a storage pouch to carry small necessities like keys and a phone. As I mentioned earlier, a belt extender is also available.

I just about can't go anywhere without someone asking me about my Ergo. I commonly get questions about how comfortable it is, to which I always tell people it is very comfortable. I also get asked if the baby can face outward in it since the most widely recognized carriers allow for this. The Ergo does not, but that's ok and actually preferred. An outward facing baby cannot turn off stimulation if they get overwhelmed by everything going on. When facing their parent or caretaker in a carrier, a baby can turn toward them and block out everything going on around them. They also can sleep when facing inward as they can rest their head which is not something easily done when facing outward, another way they can't "shut down." Another benefit I like to tell people is that the design of the Ergo allows for optimal positioning. Because a baby carried in the Ergo is in a seated position, it places their weight on their rump as one would normally sit promoting proper hip positioning and if worn frequently causes no undue stress on the hips and spine as the child develops. Most commonly  people approach me to express concern for comfort because they've heard of or experienced carriers that did not work out because they were uncomfortable or they are interested in giving one as a gift to someone they know that is expecting (or themselves). I tend to give the general guidelines of recommending a higher quality carrier than you can find in big box stores and one that supports the weight of the child on the rump. I too, had a SSC that was uncomfortable and I just about gave up on wearing that type of carrier because of it. They don't have to be uncomfortable. If they are made properly for comfort of both the carrier and the baby, they are one of the best baby items to have in your arsenal.

I love my Ergo. It is my primary carrier these days (though I still do use my Moby and sling on occasion) because it is quick and easy and maximizes comfort for several hours' use at a time.

On Housekeeping with Kids (A Confession)

A Facebook friend of mine once posted, "Cleaning your house with a toddler around is like shoveling snow in a blizzard." I couldn't agree more. And I've used this quote many times since I first saw that.

Ahh the books are off the shelf. Again.

Note the laundry all over the couch.
And this pic is after cleaning up a significant
amount.

From personal experience, this is basically how it works. I try hard to keep up with the kids and throughout most of the day, I don't worry too much about all the toys that they have strewn about. Though some days, it really is just horrible. I don't mind a toy here or there, but when they empty the entire bookshelf or dump a whole bin of toys, it does irk me. My toddler is the biggest culprit, but the 8 mo. old is learning the ropes. Most the time, I feel really guilty at my housekeeping skills when my hubby comes home, but not enough to even attempt to make sure the house is spic 'n' span before he comes home from work. I'm not insane. I've tried, really, I have. I attempt to clean up the toys that my kids aren't playing with, but as soon as the toddler finishes what he is doing, something else gets pulled out, then a third thing catches his eye and he drops the thing he just pulled out. It's a never ending cycle and most days I give up. I decided recently that I would clean up a few things every night and eventually it won't be so bad and I might have the house neat enough that I can vacuum it. I did this for several days, but for some reason, I think that a neat house must cause some sort of caveman response in my toddler because it seems the closer it is to being clean, the further he must bring it. So, after a few days of feeling like I made some headway in the evenings, followed by a tornado going through my house as soon as the toddler woke up (and somehow, he can make sure to dump a bin of toys WHILE BUCKLED INTO HIS BOOSTER SEAT AT THE TABLE!), I gave up. I have finally come to the realization that I have to clean everything all at once while the kids are sleeping in order to make enough of a difference that I can drive the vacuum through the house. It'll only take me 5-6 hours, that's ok, I didn't really need that sleep anyway. Now, I need to figure out how to keep the house neat enough to actually run the vacuum since that can't be done while the kids sleep. Hmmm...

Of course, to some, this confession of mine may seem like a bunch of make-believe. When someone comes over, they surely don't see this. That's because for some reason, impending company imbues me with a strange super power that I don't normally have and somehow, I manage to get the house at least moderately put together prior to their arrival. I have no clue how this phenomenon works. I have no idea why the magic doesn't happen on a daily basis, but for some reason, the super power is limited and not easily accessible on demand. Even with the help of the threat of company, most of the time I still feel like I've done an inadequate job. It could be the piles of things that are hiding behind doors that don't get opened when company is around. This is probably a good thing as my guests would likely be trampled by the avalanche of stuff if one did happen to get opened and they were standing too close to the door. Maybe I ought to have search and rescue on speed dial for when we have company... hmm...


I, too, disbelieve certain people when they claim the same thing happens at their house. Most of the time I think they are merely exaggerating. A sort of "mompetition" to see who is worse at housekeeping. This could be because I've been to some houses that are cleaner for a casual gathering than my house is when the president visits. Ok, so, the president has never, and probably will never visit my house, but go with me here. My point is that I don't believe some people when they claim their house was a disaster "just before I came over." Sometimes I feel like dropping in on people unexpectedly just to see how bad it really can get. Of course, that would probably jinx me and I'd have visitors coming over all the time. Hmm... maybe that will bring on the super powers and force me to have a clean house, just in case. I think I may have something there...