In a group forum post that I read recently, in a mom group, one mom was asking for suggestions on juggling two kids. There were several suggestions here and there but one really caught my attention. To be perfectly honest, this is the only suggestion that I actually remember. The reason this one caught my attention was because it was so blatantly against all of my mothering instincts. This is especially interesting considering that before I ever had kids I probably wouldn't have blinked twice at the suggestion.
The inquiry regarded what to do when you have a young crying infant that needs to be tended to and also a toddler that needs attention. The response that caught my attention was as follows, "Let the baby cry and tend to the toddler. The baby won't remember." Now, I may not have quoted that verbatim; however, that was essentially what this suggestion was saying. On the surface, I suppose that this seems to makes sense. There are so many different things that can go on with babies however, and there really is a better alternative.
If you've read my earlier post on Cry It Out, you may already know my position. I have read and believe that leaving a baby to cry can lead to some damage that may affect their life as they continue to grow into a child, teenager, and adult. This damage is and sort of chemical damage caused by the release of excess cortisol as the baby cries and continues to become more and more stressed. The release of cortisol is a human (and animal) stress response. Babies left to cry have been proven to mature into children and adults who do not trust others because when they were a baby they were basically left to cry and fuss and their needs were never (rarely, or only intermittently) met by their caretaker. Many people only talk about crying it out when discussing sleep training, ways to get a child to go to sleep independently. Probably less commonly discussed is the topic we're talking about now, what happens when a baby is crying and has needs but an older sibling needs attention as well in a situation completely unrelated to sleep.
The fact of the matter is, babies cry because they have a need that needs to be met. They're virtually incapable of seeking attention alone (not to be confused with the need for comfort). They merely have a need and have only one way in which to communicate with their caretaker. The biggest problem in this situation is that, contrary to popular American beliefs, babies shouldn't cry that much. Babies thrive when they're kept close to their caretaker, i.e. their mother, and their needs are met as they occur. Having a toddler around certainly does throw you for a loop as to how you're supposed to be able to readily tend to the baby's needs while still handling your toddler.
My solution? Simple. Wear your baby.
The benefits of baby-wearing are astounding. I've discussed many of them in my baby-wearing post. When you also have an older toddler, in my book, baby-wearing is essential. By simply wearing the baby he or she is kept close, and that takes care of a number of needs that the baby may have right away. You're right there in contact with the baby, and are likely to easily recognize a dirty or wet diaper. The baby is kept warm and comforted by being right next to mama. For many baby-wearers nursing can also be taken care of completely hands-free (with the exception of adjusting position). Here's the kicker, baby wearing leaves you hands free to do any number of tasks. In this situation, it allows you to tend to your toddler. There's no need to leave the baby to cry to check on your toddler. The baby is right there with you, you're hands free and can turn your attention to your older child. It's win-win. Your baby gets the close personal attention he or she needs, and your toddler has their needs addressed as well. Not to mention that by having the baby right there next to you, the frequency of having a crying, fussy baby in general is decreased.
Check out my baby-wearing post for more information on the benefits of baby-wearing as well as a description of some different carriers that are available. Happy baby-wearing!
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