On Nurse-ins

Recently I attended my very first nurse-in. A nurse-in is a form of protest. When a nursing mom gets asked to leave a public place or store because she's nursing it often creates an uproar in the "lactivist" community. As a result, supporters of nursing in public will gather together and openly nurse their children in a group to raise awareness and acceptance of nursing. Some of these events gain quite a bit of public attention. This one did not.

The whole thing started because a local mother with asked to find another place to nurse her child when she stopped to nurse him one evening at a Target store. This resulted in planning a nurse-in at Target stores across the country. I figured I'd go support moms that choose to nurse in public, as this is an issue I feel very strongly about. I believe that seeing nursing moms in public is how we teach society that breastfeeding should be the norm, how we show children the proper way to feed a baby, and how we show other breastfeeding moms that don't have adequate support that it's ok, and normal to feed your baby wherever you are and they shouldn't feel like nursing dampers their ability to function in society.

The event was a bit of a "fail" (at least in my opinion). I've seen pictures of other nurse-ins at various locations that look like those protests you see in movies. Several moms nursing their babies while other supporters hold up signs about a mom's right to nurse her baby wherever she has a right to be (as this is the law in Texas). This nurse-in, though, was little more than a group of nursing moms hanging out and chatting in the Target Starbucks Cafe. Sure several of us nursed while there, but as we were sequestered in one area that's tucked away from shopping traffic, and the group was rather small (maybe half a dozen moms), it didn't quite draw attention of passersby - or even the Target staff.

This event certainly didn't appease the "lactivist" in me. While I'm not one to want to cause a public uproar, I would have wanted a little bit more attention to be given to the group. As it was, I doubt our little gathering did much to promote a woman's right to feed her child anywhere. I hope that nurse-ins in other locations were more successful at fulfilling that purpose. In any case, I will continue to feed my child wherever I am, as I already do. I might take the opportunity to join another nurse-in if it occurs, and I certainly hope it is more successful than this one seemed to be.

On Juggling Two Young Kiddos

In a group forum post that I read recently, in a mom group, one mom was asking for suggestions on juggling two kids. There were several suggestions here and there but one really caught my attention. To be perfectly honest, this is the only suggestion that I actually remember. The reason this one caught my attention was because it was so blatantly against all of my mothering instincts. This is especially interesting considering that before I ever had kids I probably wouldn't have blinked twice at the suggestion.

The inquiry regarded what to do when you have a young crying infant that needs to be tended to and also a toddler that needs attention. The response that caught my attention was as follows, "Let the baby cry and tend to the toddler. The baby won't remember." Now, I may not have quoted that verbatim; however, that was essentially what this suggestion was saying. On the surface, I suppose that this seems to makes sense. There are so many different things that can go on with babies however, and there really is a better alternative.

If you've read my earlier post on Cry It Out, you may already know my position. I have read and believe that leaving a baby to cry can lead to some damage that may affect their life as they continue to grow into a child, teenager, and adult. This damage is and sort of chemical damage caused by the release of excess cortisol as the baby cries and continues to become more and more stressed. The release of cortisol is a human (and animal) stress response. Babies left to cry have been proven to mature into children and adults who do not trust others because when they were a baby they were basically left to cry and fuss and their needs were never (rarely, or only intermittently) met by their caretaker. Many people only talk about crying it out when discussing sleep training, ways to get a child to go to sleep independently. Probably less commonly discussed is the topic we're talking about now, what happens when a baby is crying and has needs but an older sibling needs attention as well in a situation completely unrelated to sleep.

The fact of the matter is, babies cry because they have a need that needs to be met. They're virtually incapable of seeking attention alone (not to be confused with the need for comfort). They merely have a need and have only one way in which to communicate with their caretaker. The biggest problem in this situation is that, contrary to popular American beliefs, babies shouldn't cry that much. Babies thrive when they're kept close to their caretaker, i.e. their mother, and their needs are met as they occur. Having a toddler around certainly does throw you for a loop as to how you're supposed to be able to readily tend to the baby's needs while still handling your toddler.

My solution? Simple. Wear your baby.

The benefits of baby-wearing are astounding. I've discussed many of them in my baby-wearing post. When you also have an older toddler, in my book, baby-wearing is essential. By simply wearing the baby he or she is kept close, and that takes care of a number of needs that the baby may have right away. You're right there in contact with the baby, and are likely to easily recognize a dirty or wet diaper. The baby is kept warm and comforted by being right next to mama. For many baby-wearers nursing can also be taken care of completely hands-free (with the exception of adjusting position). Here's the kicker, baby wearing leaves you hands free to do any number of tasks. In this situation, it allows you to tend to your toddler. There's no need to leave the baby to cry to check on your toddler. The baby is right there with you, you're hands free and can turn your attention to your older child. It's win-win. Your baby gets the close personal attention he or she needs, and your toddler has their needs addressed as well. Not to mention that by having the baby right there next to you, the frequency of having a crying, fussy baby in general is decreased.

Check out my baby-wearing post for more information on the benefits of baby-wearing as well as a description of some different carriers that are available. Happy baby-wearing!