On Milestones

Repeat after me, "Every baby is different."

This is the mantra that I've seen and heard over and over again. And it is true, too. Every baby is different. As moms though, it is hard not to worry if your baby is progressing correctly. And while the pediatrician telling you that your baby is normal is mildly comforting, there is still that nagging when you know moms with other babies. I think it's natural.

Something else I've noticed is bragging that goes on sometimes. It may simply appear to be moms announcing milestones of their own babies, but it sometimes comes off as bragging and I'd bet you that it is mostly rooted in insecurity about the baby not developing on par with their parents expectations so things that are on or ahead of "schedule" are huge topics.

As if it weren't hard enough to know if your baby is hitting milestones when you'd expect, there is a great deal of variability in when you consider the milestone reached. I've noticed a disconnect between just me and my husband. And we are looking at the same kid. When my baby was babbling at four months of age and spurted out, "ma ma ma ma ma." My husband would consider that his first word. Really? To me that is nonsensical verbal practice. When he associates meaning to it, I'll consider it his first word. It is the same with rolling over. The first time he rolled over was one morning when he was laying on our bed and the weight of me or my husband caused a dip in the bed and made the baby roll over. I don't think it counts because he didn't do it on his own. Gravity was responsible for that one. And walking? I don't count the few steps he's taken as walking. When he does it on his own without being propped up, I'll say he's walking. But that's just me.

I wonder sometimes at what point other parents mark these milestones. My baby book reports that I said, "Da" as my first word at 6 months. I'm not so sure about that. I was probably babbling at the time. My 11 mo old doesn't associate "Da da da da" with his father, so I'm not counting it. It makes me consider when other people count those milestones and I wonder sometimes if some of it is reported before I'd consider it done. Perhaps that is why my munchkin seemed to crawl later than others - my requirement for crawling was completely up on hands and knees and moving forward.

I'm not saying I'm a paranoid mom about my little one's milestones, and I also try not to brag about them either. I'm not perfect though - of course I point out that he got his first tooth at 4 months. One of the things you have to understand though, is that every baby really is different and if you are ever feeling bad or wondering about your kid, remember, even the individual scales for milestones are wavering. I'm sure that when some kids seem way ahead, it's probably only in a few areas and in others they are "behind", but moms are less likely to brag about that. I think it's part of that mom programming that gets downloaded when we have a kid. Try to relax and enjoy the milestones - whenever they happen.