On Making Shoes

You may have read in my previous posts my position on shoes for babies. This position remains the same even now as my little one is 20 mo old and walking and running quite well. He still wears soft soled leather bottomed shoes, but I have run into an issue with my determination that he wear appropriate footwear.

My little one is on the big side. What can I say, he takes after his dad. As you may have seen in previous posts, I've probably mentioned this before in struggling with clothing sizes from time to time. It also seems to extend to his feet. Aside from his feet being on the large size for his age, they are also wide which he likely could have gotten from me. At 19 mo of age, he outgrew the commercially available soft soled shoes which are only available from most manufacturers up to 18-24 mo sizes. Many shoes are available in his size that still have flexible soles, but I feel he needs less structure since developmentally (even though he's and adept walker as far as I can tell) he's still young.  Aside from that, among the flexible soled shoes, many have much more structure than I would prefer not to mention the cost of said shoes is astounding. Purchasing those shoes would mean spending what I spend on a pair of shoes for myself; and, when you need to replace a toddler's shoes every couple of months, it's not always feasible or friendly where the pocket book is concerned.

So, what is one to do? My solution? Make the shoes. I am fortunate in that I learned to sew when I was younger and from time to time, though I don't sew often, the "need" arises and I'm thankful that is one skill I learned.

The process to make the shoes did take a little bit of research and effort. First, I needed to establish the sort of materials I'd need. The shoes needed to be breathable and durable. A leather bottom was, of course, needed to protect the bottom of the foot outside; however, the entire shoe needn't be made of leather as long as the material used was sturdy and breathable. Next, I planned on examining the shoes he'd worn previously to see how they were made and then I would create my own pattern. Luckily, I was saved from this effort by my sister-in-law who helped me locate a pattern for cloth infant "booties" that were put together very much the same way as the shoes my boy was wearing. A change in materials used and an increased size was all that was needed to adjust the pattern for shoes that were safe to wear for walking outside and appropriate for his size.

I measured his foot in comparison to the size of the pattern and calculated the scale difference and was able to enlarge the pattern to fit his foot. I then started with a practice pair of shoes. For this, I used some sturdy materials, but I did not have the leather on the bottom (as this was the most expensive part of the shoe). For the practice shoes, I used scraps of materials that I'd used for other projects in the past. Mostly, I wanted to work out any kinks and see how the shoes came together. I also wanted to ensure that I had scaled up appropriately so that the shoes would be comfortable for my little one to wear. This is a picture of the practice shoes. I'm happy with the way they turned out, though I did run into issues with the thickness of some of the materials I used and it may certain aspects of the shoes difficult to sew together. As an added bonus, they fit well and my little boy loves to wear them around the house.

I decided it was time to proceed with the actual shoes so I purchased the materials I'd need. I purchased the leather, heavy duty thread, and a sturdier needle (to use with the leather) which were items I didn't have to ensure the shoes would hold up and function as intended. Since I had already gone through the entire process before, it only took a couple of days (during naps and after bedtime) to complete the shoes. I did experience some tension issues when using the leather, but I managed to work it out and ended up with a pair of shoes I was proud of. A few days after I completed them, they experienced their first real test. We went to a crawfish boil at a friend of my husband's and we spent the afternoon outside. My little one was able to get his shoes scuffed up and worn in and had no problems. He even got them soaked by walking in a puddle of water. I left his socks and shoes on and they dried out in no time, which I think is a great testament to the breathe-ability of the shoes. The "real" shoes fit well too, though they have more extra width than they have length. When it's time to make the next pair, which won't be too long from now, I'll probably adjust the pattern more for length and keep the width close to where it is currently is since he has a lot of side room.

My little one is definitely happy to be in shoes that fit again which is nice. I'm happy because I can keep him in the optimum style of shoe for his stage of development. I really wish they were available and more affordable at larger sizes for other moms that are in the same position with a larger munchkin like me, especially if they don't know how to sew. If you do sew, or if you know someone who does, this is definitely an option to try out. I'm definitely happy I did.

On Washing Diapers

In various forums and discussion groups (both live and online) the topic of diaper care has come up and there seems to be a lot that goes into it and a lot that can confuse people. We hear that cloth diapering is better for a number of reasons related to baby health, financial ease, environmental factors, etc., but then when the conversation comes up about caring for those diapers, everything seems to get really confusing. There are special detergents, special diaper creams to use for the baby that are safe on the diapers, line drying, stripping, and more that comes up and it can seem almost overwhelming to the point where you'd want to throw in the towel just based on that! I hope here I can simplify things a bit to make it seem less cumbersome.

First off, don't get too worried about what others are doing to care for their diapers compared to what you are doing. The reason? Most people like different types of diapers (and these days the variety of cloth diapers is astounding). Different diapers have different care instructions. So, consider that before you worry that you aren't doing all the stuff that someone else is. Consider first what diapers they have versus what you use. That in and of itself may make a big difference.

When purchasing diapers, take note of the care instructions. Take these things into consideration when chosing diapers and caring for those that you have purchased:

- Do you need to pre-wash before use? How many times?
- What kind of pail should be used? Wet or dry?
- Do you need to use particular detergents for cleaning?
- Will you need to line dry or can you use a traditional dryer?
- Should certain diaper rash creams be avoided when using these diapers?
- What stain removers are safe to use? Is bleach allowed?
- Are there different care instructions for covers, diapers, AIOs, or pockets made by the same manufacturer?

Try not to get overwhelmed, but prepare yourself with how to care for the diapers. Take note also, if the instructions vary if you choose several different types of diapers to use. How you care for your diapers can affect how long they last, so make sure you follow recommendations.

Here is a more detailed write up of how I care for my diapers:
- First off the diapers - I use Mother-ease cotton terry OS (one-size) fitted snap closure diapers, snap-in cotton terry liners, and Mother-ease Air Flow covers. I also use bamboo terry wipes.
- The pail - I use a 5 gallon bucket from a local home improvement store. Nothing fancy. I add a splash of vinegar and a splash of Clorox 2 (it's bleach free) and fill the bucket about 2/3rds full. Used diapers are emptied of solids in the toilet and placed directly into the pail to soak before washing which is roughly 2-3 days max.

For the diapers:
- Washing - Sometimes I pour off the excess water from the bucket in the toilet, other times the whole thing goes into the washer (I have a top loader). The water level is set as I would for a normal load based on how many diapers I'm washing. I first run the diapers, liners, and wipes through a double rinse cycle (I start the cycle on the rinse setting of a normal wash and have the extra rinse cycle function turned on). When the two rinses are complete, I then add detergent - I use Tide liquid in the same amount as I would any other similar sized load - and run a regular wash cycle on the casual setting (with the extra rinse cycle still on). I will then reset the washer for another double rinse like I did at the beginning. If the diapers are particularly malodorous, I will add a splash of vinegar before the final double rinse cycle.
- Drying - All of my diapers and liners go into the dryer if they have been washed clean. I do not put anything in the dryer that has staining on it. I dry the diapers and liners on a medium heat setting. According to the care instructions for the wipes, they do not go into the dryer. I'll leave them damp and place them back in the warmer adding excess water if necessary.
- For stains - For the diapers, liners, and wipes that have staining, I treat directly with Clorox 2 (as mentioned, it's bleach free) and spread it to coat the entire stained area - this must be done quickly since the diapers and liners will start absorbing the stain remover making it harder to spread out. I let them sit for at least 15 minutes. They are then washed again as mentioned above without the initial double rinse.

For the covers:
- My covers are washed with the rest of the baby laundry. I use Tide liquid detergent, wash on a gentle cycle, and tumble dry on low. Similar to the diapers if there is staining, they are pre-treated and washed again before being dried in the dryer.

So, in a nutshell for me, the process is: Rinse, wash, rinse. Don't dry if stained.

One more note: Stripping
- Many moms notice that their diapers begin to have decreased absorbency after some use. Occasionally this happens because of build-up of detergent, stain removers, or creams on the diapers. "Stripping" is simply a series of rinses to wash away any impurities that may have built up over time and could be affecting the absorbency of the diapers or causing irritation to the baby's bottom. Some times this needs to be done every couple of months or so, but is usually done on an as needed basis. I'm not sure if it's because of the type of diapers I use or the excess rinses I run on my diapers (admittedly it's a lot of rinse cycles) but I have never had to strip and have never noticed a decrease in performance.

I'm sorry if this is long, but I hope it's useful. If you do run into problems, seek the advice of the manufacturer or other moms that use the same types of diapers you do. It will be the most helpful!

On Trying to Breastfeed

On a networking site I belong to for moms I was recently intrigued by a poll that someone posted in a pregnancy forum. The poll asked if moms were planning on breastfeeding or formula feeding. Many of the votes (at least when I originally looked at it) were for breastfeeding. The additional comments had a number of responses saying how moms were going to try and see how it worked out.

I was kind of taken aback. I got the impression that many women, especially first time moms think that breastfeeding is a huge challenge and they get the impression that there is some reason they won't be successful. I really wanted to see if this impression was true so I added my own post to the forum asking moms what "try" meant to them. I straight up told them I was a breastfeeding advocate and for me, formula feeding is not an option. I asked them to what extent they would try and mentioned many possibilities such as lactation consultants, supply boosters, breastfeeding aids (nipple shield, SNS, etc.), support groups, etc. I asked what their breaking point was to where they would decide their trying wouldn't work and why they used the word "try" as though they had the impression there would be problems.

I got a pretty decent response from the moms, though many of them did not answer the questions specifically. There were several that seem to have the same impression that I do that if you say you are going to "try," it assumes that you anticipate problems and it allows a less successful nursing relationship that may turn to using formula instead. Many responded that to them there was no "try" they would or did do it and that their determination helped them. Much like me, it was an "I will" vs. "I'll try."

The vast majority of responses was exactly what I predicted, however. Many moms had previous experiences where they nursed and had challenges and eventually switched to formula feeding and therefore figured they would follow the same course with a new baby. I received many responses with varying degrees of hostility about how not everyone can breastfeed, there were too many complications, and how breastfeeding is "shoved down everyone's throat." Only a few moms discussed how the resources they used when difficulties presented themselves helped them overcome the hurdles and they had very successful nursing relationships with their babies. Another few mentioned how with previous pregnancies, they were uneducated and didn't know any better. This, I believe is at the heart of the matter.

Many of the moms that presented difficulties mentioned using some of the resources I mentioned in my original post that can help overcome hurdles of breastfeeding, but most didn't scratch the surface or go very far beyond one or two things to discover what was wrong and find a solution or management plan. Some list seeing several lactation consultants, but I wonder if they were looking for a quick fix or if they only sought help from a single consultant once (none that stopped breastfeeding said they saw consultants for multiple visits or long-term consultations - of course, they may have, I just don't know). One mom who ended up formula feeding said consultants didn't tell her anything she didn't already know, she didn't take a preparation class, and that she was too intelligent for support groups. She also didn't know what nipple shields or supplemental nursers were. Sorry, but I hardly think she knew everything she claimed to know - or at least enough to allow her to continue.

So, after all this, what do I figure out? My suspicions were true. So many breastfeeding relationships fail because of lack of education, support, and will. I beg every new mom that is looking forward to breastfeeding - especially if she's had trouble in the past or if this is her first child to educate herself and find local support. Breastfeeding rarely succeeds without it.

And one more thing I learned - many moms think that a low milk supply means the end of nursing. Not true! People talk about supplementing with formula when what they actually mean is formula feeding. Supplementing means "in addition to." Some low milk supply issues can only be helped so much - that is true. That doesn't mean that nursing has to be given up completely. Nursing and supplementing can work together and the baby will benefit from any amount of breast milk that he or she gets.

So, for those that are looking to breastfeed for the first time or looking for a better experience than before, please consider the following:

Breastfeeding Classes: Classes are available through community centers, hospitals, birthing centers, and many other places to help you get prepared. They will teach you about how to hold the baby, how to get a proper latch (when the baby attaches to the breast), how milk production works, how to maintain appropriate levels of milk production (supply and demand), what is an appropriate amount for a newborn and how to tell if your baby is getting enough, what are some common challenges and how to overcome them, and many other things. I came from a very strong breastfeeding background and I still learned an astounding amount of information from my class.


Breastfeeding Aids: Many breastfeeding aids are available. They come in the form of nipple shields (for nursing with painful nipples or inverted nipples), herbal supplements or prescriptions for boosting milk supply (if this is an issues), creams and pad for sore nipples, breast pumps and accessories, breastfeeding pillows, nursing covers, supplemental nursing systems, and many many more. Some of these are discussed in breast feeding classes, others you can learn about from consultants or support groups - not to mention where to get them. There are many things that can help breast feeding go smoother or assist you when you meet challenges.


Lactation Consultants: Lactation consultants are invaluable. They can help you on a one-on-one basis to make sure you have a good latch, they can help monitor intake, offer solutions to problems, identify the source of problems you may encounter. It is very common for moms that had c-sections or premature babies to experience challenges to breastfeeding especially in the early stages and consultants can help to turn around some of the negative breastfeeding related effects of the birth and early days and assist moms in having a very successful nursing relationship with their baby. Consultants come in many forms with varying degrees of education. For common problems, a Community Breastfeeding Educator (CBE) or La Leche League Leader (LLL Leader) can be a wonderful asset. For more challenging issues, a Certified Lactation Consultant (CLC), Licensed Lactation Consultant (LLC), or International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) can help. Seek out local consultants so you know where one is in your area and consider a prenatal consultation.

Support Groups: Support groups are not just for the down and broken. With so many challenges and perceived challenges to breastfeeding support groups are wonderful. They provide a low pressure environment to discuss anything you have questions about. Many of the moms may have experienced something similar and can tell you what worked for them. You may also learn about breastfeeding challenges you never knew were a possibility and how they can be overcome. You also are more likely to learn to more confidently nurse in public and learn some tricks to doing so discreetly. By being surrounded by other nursing moms, you are more likely to succeed with your breastfeeding goals. Support groups are available at community centers, hospitals, churches, shops, through La Leche League (which also offers educational discussions), and many other places. Consider finding a group and joining before the baby is born for an eye-opening and educational experience.

On Weaning

When it came to weaning my oldest, I wanted to take the easy approach - I wanted him to self-wean. I had heard horror stories about how difficult it was to initiate it as a mom. I also would have been comfortable nursing until the age of two which is recommended by the World Health Organization, but much longer than that, I wasn't too keen on. At 15 months, my little one showed no sign of slowing, which was fine, but I wondered if he would call it quits on his own (which I preferred) or if I'd have to step in once he got a little older.

My "easy" approach, and what I really hoped for, was to get pregnant, have my supply drop, and then have him wean because of a lack of supply. Well, it kinda happened that way. But, as my sister once told me, we make plans and God laughs. I really believe this is true sometimes.

I did get pregnant. My little one was about 12 months old when I got pregnant. As I said, at 15 months he was showing no sign of slowing, so the reduction in milk supply seemed to not be an issue. Until it was. Around 16 months, he started to be really bothered by it. We had weeks, I'd say 2-3 at least where he'd ask to nurse so I'd oblige. I followed the recommendations for easier weaning that said, "Don't offer, don't refuse" - a supposedly gentler way to ease them through the process of self-weaning. But that time period was pure torture. He'd ask, and I'd nurse him, but after several moments of not getting much of anything, he'd sit up and show me the signs for "milk," "more," and "please." I'd change sides so he could nurse on the other side. Again, after a few moments, he'd sit up and request, "more milk please" signing frantically. We went back and forth several times, each time, he'd get more and more frustrated. Fussing and crying was added into the mix of frantic sign language. Eventually, he'd climb down off of my lap and stand in front of me, tears streaming down his cheeks, crying and signing incessantly. It broke my heart. I was helpless. And this happened several times a day for weeks. Every time I'd sit down, no matter where, he'd beg me to nurse. Every time, I was completely lost. There was no way I could help my little boy. I felt like a terrible mother. His world was falling apart, and it was my fault. What had I done to him? Occasionally, I'd try to offer him a sippy cup with milk. He had started drinking cow milk by this age, but when he wanted to nurse, he refused the sippy cup and swatted it out of my hand. I cried along with him many of those times because I had no clue what to do about it. There was no way I could ease his pain.

It did get better though. Eventually, he would take the sippy cup here and there. Then, he'd take it more frequently. We were able to reach a time when he'd nurse even with little supply for short sessions and then go about his business. Our main nursing sessions became when he went to bed for a nap or for the night. He started sleeping through the night more frequently by this point too. Some nights he'd wake up and scream and cry and I'd nurse him back down. Other times, he'd awaken, but go back to sleep on his own. This was around 17 months of age.

After a while though, the lack of milk available made him nurse for even shorter periods of time. It wasn't long enough to settle him down for sleeping. I'd always offer milk in a sippy cup before bed, but turned instead to standing and swaying to settle him down for naps and bed time. We've been doing this for a couple of weeks now.

Looking back, I really don't want to experience those early times of reduced supply ever again. It was horrible, heart-breaking, and made me question my mothering ability. After he came to terms with it, weaning was a dream and couldn't have gone smoother. I had no angst about him not continuing for longer (after all, I really had no intentions to tandem nurse. Kudos to those who do it, but it's not for me). I was at peace with letting him grow up and ease away from it. I miss the cuddle time with him immensely, but the nursing itself, I'm not mourning the loss of. It happened like I wanted, but not how I expected. I really thought it'd be easier, but I didn't anticipate his reaction. I only hope that other moms that experience forced weaning due to pregnancy acknowledge that this can happen - it may not, but it is a possibility. I don't think anything can really prepare you for it, but there you go - the info is out there.

On Nursing in Public vs. Smoking in Public

During World Breastfeeding Week, I remember reading a blog entry that was linked from one of the many breastfeeding articles, blogs, and forum discussions that were prominently linked or displayed on some of the social networking sites I belong to. I'm not sure where the actual link came from, but the blog stood out in my mind. I'm not even sure it was a blog, it could have very well been an article or editorial, but the actual source wasn't my focus, it was the subject matter.

The woman who wrote the essay, I'll call it, was intending to bring to light the fact that nursing in public is legal and a woman's right as much as smoking is. She discussed how she felt it was wrong to hold your breath or move on quickly past smokers or make rude comments because they are practicing their legal right to smoke. The same should be done for nursing mothers - rather than balk, make rude comments, or expect the mother to cover up or find another place to nurse, you should just go about your business because they are practicing their legal right to nurse in public.

While I understand the point she was trying to make, and agree with her position on nursing in public, I don't agree that it is the same as smoking in public. Yes, both are perfectly legal, I get that, but smoking has a much more profound affect on those not participating in the activity than nursing does.

When a mother is nursing in public, an offended or disturbed onlooker simply has to avert their eyes and move on. There is no one holding them in that spot or requiring them to watch a woman feed her baby. There is no need for them to focus in that particular direction.

The same is not so for walking by or seeing a smoker. When passing a smoker, one can hold their breath, but that does not mean that they are free from the ill effects that can occur from going past or being around that person. Even if the passerby made a point not to breathe, third-hand smoke (the smoke that settles on clothing and has been proven to be just as harmful as second-hand smoke) can still cause harm to the health of the person going by long after they passed the individual. Not to mention, an adult may know to hold their breath to protect themselves from the ill-effects of second-hand smoke, but a young child or infant doesn't know to do the same. The system of a baby is not even mature yet. Add that to the fact that many smokers ignore the laws that require them to smoke far away from entrances to public locations and it brings in a whole new set of problems. Above all, even a smoker who is following the law, can blow smoke into the air that can be carried by the wind and travel to a location near an entrance or near an individual that doesn't care to be negatively impacted by second- or third-hand smoke.

So, I would have to argue, that my health is negatively affected by someone smoking in public and I am not affected at all by someone nursing in public. They both may be legal, but they are not the same.

*As an added note: I am sorry if I offend someone who chooses to smoke, but I do not appreciate my efforts to keep my children healthy and free from the harmful effects of second- and third-hand smoke being unavoidably shattered simply because "it's legal". I don't say anything because as the original writer of the essay mentioned, it is within their rights. However, if you do choose to smoke, I beg you to respect those of us that choose not to and at least follow the law and smoke in approved areas. I know you can't change which way the wind blows, but you can do your part to respect the rights of others.

On Toxoplasmosis

One of the big topics for pregnant women is Toxoplasmosis. We are warned to avoid our cats, or at the very least, their litter boxes. After years of working in pet hospitals and doing research on the topic for our expectant mother clients, I want to set the record straight.

This topic has utterly annoyed me since my first pregnancy, but now that I'm expecting my second child, I've come in contact with continued frustrations. Two stand out in my mind. The first, when I went into the doctor's office to have an early pregnancy consult with one of their nurses. I was already annoyed at the requirement for this meeting since I felt nothing of value was gained (I merely discussed my family's medical background and got an appointment for the doctor). In discussing my medical background, I was asked if I had pets, which I do - a cat and a dog. The nurse went on to ask if I knew about the litter box. Yes, of course I did, this wasn't my first rodeo. At least, that seemed to be the end of the discussion. A second incidence was with my mother-in-law who came to visit and insisted that she clean out the litter boxes while she was there since my husband was out of town.

Ok, so, why am I annoyed? Those don't sound bad, really. And all things considered, they aren't. I mean, c'mon, I got out of litter box duty. But in my mind, it's the same thing as using my pregnancy as an excuse to avoid housework, work, or activity in general, which is actually more harmful to me as a pregnant woman than doing those things in the first place, but I digress.

The thing is, our poor cats are being accused of transferring Toxoplama gondii (the protozoan that causes Toxoplasmosis) when there is a very high likelihood that they aren't. They are automatically cast as the villains in our pregnancies.

While most of us know that Toxoplasmosis is extremely bad in pregnancy - it can lead to birth defects or loss of the pregnancy - most of us don't know the whole story. We look up what could happen to us if we are infected and hear that we can get it from cleaning out the litter box and that is enough for us to steer clear of our feline friends. This is in error, however, and our cats should not be feared by us while we are pregnant. Let me explain. The information that is most often skipped over is how Toxoplamosis works in cats. That will give us an idea of what our risk really looks like.

Toxoplasmosis occurs in almost all warm blooded animals. The thing that makes cats different is that when they contract it, they can pass it in their feces - no other mammal does this. And this is why cats are called the definitive host for Toxoplasmosis and the reason we fear their litter boxes. There is more to the story though.

Cats typically get Toxoplama gondii by ingesting raw meat - like when they hunt rodents and birds or by coming in contact with contaminated soil or water. About a week after exposure, they begin passing the infective oocysts (kinda like eggs) in their stool - which, I'll be honest, can occur in large numbers. They pass the infective oocysts for up to two weeks. That's it. After that, the develop an immunity. They don't contract it again, they don't spread it. Here's another piece of the puzzle - the oocyst has to be outside the body for at least 24 hours before it truly becomes infective - a litter box that is cleaned out daily poses little to no risk.

So, what does that mean? Our villainous cats are not the big culprits. If your cat has been a happy indoor cat for years, your risk is virtually nil. An outdoor cat is more likely to be suspect, but again, if they are an older cat, most likely, they had it when they were very young and most likely no longer pose a risk.

Here's something else that they don't tell you - the most common way humans contract Toxoplasmosis is from eating raw meat or drinking raw unpasteurized milk. Not from cats. It is more likely to be found in sheep, goat, and pig as opposed to beef or poultry, but it is still possible. Just one more reason to ensure all meats are cooked thoroughly and your milk has been pasteurized. Also, fruits and vegetables should be cleaned thoroughly as contaminated soil on these foods can pose a risk - don't assume if you grew it yourself you are safe since neighborhood strays like to use gardens as litter boxes.

Where your cat is concerned, you can protect him or her by keeping your cat inside and not allowing your cat to hunt. Also, don't feed your cat raw meats or milk. Doing this will protect you as well. If you do have a cat that goes outside, that is a good reason to avoid the litter box or wear gloves when cleaning it out. Even better, if you have an outdoor cat, blood work can be run to check your cat's exposure. Any strays or new adoptions should be regarded cautiously since you don't know their history and exposure possibilities.

Above all, don't forget basic hygiene. A good hand washing is always recommended after handling raw foods or cleaning the litter box.

So, go on. Don't be afraid to give your cat a hug.

For more information check out: American Veterinary Medical Association and Cornell Feline Health Center

On Car Seat Safety

Safety is the only reason you need.

Ok, let me explain. But, before I do, I'm sorry if I offend anyone with this post, but there are a few things I had to get off of my chest.

My little boy recently turned one. So did many of the babies in my mom group and several of the other babies I know have recently turned one or soon will. The topic of car seats seems to be coming up more and more frequently in general conversations I have had, on websites I've visited, and in various forum discussions. Needless to say, not from a single source, but many, I'm inundated with tons of comments and opinions about car seats, in particular, turning babies forward facing when they reach the age of one since many of them are 20 lbs by then, and this is the legal age at which they can be turned forward facing.

Like many other parenting topics this generates some very strong opinions, arguments, judgments (forgive me, because I'm contributing to this), and excuses. The thing that has really gotten me thinking lately on this particular topic, unlike many other parenting issues, is that car seat safety is not a topic that should generate this sort of discussion. I'm not saying we shouldn't talk about it, but what I'm saying is that unlike whether or not you vaccinate, bottle or breast feed, circumcise or leave in tact, attachment parent or practice Baby Wise, etc. the issue of car seat safety is black and white. Many other issues that generate such strong opinions are surrounded with facts, circumstantial evidence, and anecdotal tales that offer two or more sides in many cases that may or may not affect the child's future, their intelligence, their over all health, their mental stability, etc. Car seat safety? That's a whole different ball game.

I think when we hear the word "safety" or "safer", we understand, but the concept does not sink in. That factor is given as much thought as many others. I hear tons of other factors to consider when selecting car seats for young ones and whether or not to forward or rear face. Here are some:

My spouse wants to forward face our one-year-old.
My child prefers to face forward.
I want to be able to see my child and can't when they rear-face.
I was given a forward facing seat.
My child is too big to rear-face.
Harnesses are not available for larger/older kids.

I've seen all of these comments in more than one place, multiple times. These are things that you hear especially when an individual is faced with someone commenting that rear-facing is safer. And then an argument and not so nice words are exchanged repeatedly among strangers on a public forum. It gets ugly. And this is all despite the fact that the AAP has updated it's recommendations and now recommends rear-facing at least until the age of 2 and TxDPS (for those that live in Texas) has changed it's recommendations that children stay rear-facing as long as possible and to the upper limit allowed by the seat.

Here is the thing though (and here is where I get all judgey and get up on my soap box): Safety is the only factor that needs to be considered. No other reason has the right to be factored in when it goes against safety. Let's put it another way. When your child's life is on the line, why are there other considerations? It sounds drastic, but that is the reality. We are told that rear-facing is 5 times safer than forward facing. So, let's put that in terms that may sink in more: when forward facing, a child is 5 times more likely to die in a car accident than when rear-facing. Yes, it sounds harsh, but that is the cold hard truth. Automobile accidents are the number one cause of death in children. I don't know that they have statistics about proper vs. improper use of seats/harnesses, forward vs. rear-facing, harnessed vs. not harnessed, correct installations vs. faulty ones, etc. related with that little tidbit of information, but they do know that car accidents are the number one cause of death in children.

We are in our cars on a daily basis, often many times a day, and don't think about getting in an accident because most of the time we arrive at our destination safely. Think of all the near misses we encounter - someone cutting us off, another driver trying to come into our lane who didn't see us in their blind spot, the line of cars slamming on their brakes in the middle of the highway - it goes on and on. It only takes one time for it to be fatal to us or our child.

So please, really consider it. Too many parents have had to suffer the loss of a child. This is one argument that the proverbial in-laws shouldn't win (I apologize to all in-laws that may find offense - I do not mean to insinuate that all in-laws do not have the child's best interest at heart). Rear-face as long as possible, use the seat you have correctly, read all of the instructions that are included, etc. When you are faced with the fact that a hasty car seat decision could mean your child's life, safety is the first and most important factor to consider.